This here is an extract from a story that I currently have under the works!
This is only the first draft of this scene and it will more than likey change a hundred times, however the general idea and the outcome of the scene will be the same.
Basically, the story is about a group of young mercenaries with special powers, each representing a certain element. In this scene they have travelled to Mount Aisu to assist in the excavation of the site where the Goddess of the mountain is seemingly buried.
The main characters in this scene are the constantly feuding heroines, Claudia (fire) and Monica (ice). Basically at this point in the story, Monica has fallen in love with Charlie (Claudia's boyfriend) and so a bit of a love triangle has been formed and well..Charlie's not exactly been on his best behaviour! This scene shows the tension finally brewing over and the girls feelings bursting out in a long awaited (by the other characters) conflict.

Well...tell me what you think of the whole idea and if it seems ok. Remember this is a very, very rough draft!...


The cold storm was enveloping them, sending an icy chill in through their toes, up through their legs and into their fingers which no longer felt like they were part of their bodies Teeth chattering, noses tingling, breath showing like a dragons, the party struggled on, arms wrapped around themselves to savour the little heat they could muster. Claudia, in particular, was turning a rather deathly shade of blue, her fingers aching with the bitter cold.

“H-h-how m-much further, sir?” she stammered.

“Not much further, the Goddess Excavation Site is about another mile down the mountain path. You’d save a lot more energy if you would just shut up!”

Claudia opened her mouth to snap back, but Alex put out his hand in front of her, as if to say ‘stop’. She squeaked and screwed up her face in protest but obediently continued trudging through the snow.

Monica giggled, trying to break the awkward tension but Claudia shot her with a glare that said ‘that was a bad idea’. They continued. The only sound now was the footsteps crunching the snow and fierce blizzard blowing around them.

Eventually, a large roped area began to come in to view as the team reached a fork in the road and many large diggers and some sketchy scaffolding stuck out of the ice like the devils horns.

“This is where I leave you,” the guide began, “Down this path to the right is a lodge for resting, I advise you go there as soon as you have informed the others of your arrival. The excavation site manager will be down there at the site, you’ll also find the priest there, Miss Kournikova.”

Chelsea nodded in understanding.

“Thanks Gramps! Well kiddies, I don’t want to be freezing my ass off out here any longer than I have to, so lets hurry up and find the bastard that hired us and then shimmy on back up to the lodge,” Charlie’s teeth were chattering between sentences, his nose was bright red with the cold.

“Charlie, Priest Drummond is a very well respected member of the Order and I’d appreciate it if you’d treat him with a little more respect!” Chelsea scorned, “and not to rain on your leadership parade, but I think the best instruction would be for Claudia to go to the rest house now. Look at the poor thing!”

“H-h-hey! You t-t-think that just becau-because I’m f-f-fire I can’t handle a little c-c-c-cold!?” the normally bright eyed Claudia was looking haggard and rundown and Monica was sure she would be soon to collapse.

“Hey! I…I was going to say that if you’d given me a chance!” Charlie frowned and then stepped towards Claudia, “Claude, I’ll take you down to the lo-“

“Get your hands off of me!” she wheezed, attempting to hop away from him as best she could, “I d-d-don’t want y-YOU coming with m-m-me!”

“Well you can’t go alone look at you!”

“I’ll go,” said Monica, barely able to look anyone in the eye. Claudia rolled her eyes, ‘even better!’

“Alright…if you’re sure… Chelsea, Alex and I will head down to the site and meet you girls at the lodge later.”

“Aye, aye captain,” Monica smiled, signalling Charlie and grinning at him.

“Ooh aye, aye captain!” Claudia mocked under her breath.

[Need to write this bit still, on kind of a block on what happens inbetween! BUT ANYWAY, So, time passes, other party go to the site blablabla...the narrative now switches to the girls! woot!]

“Claudia, it is quite obvious you and I have some things we...need to sort out…”

“You think?” Claudia averted her gaze from the burning fire she had lit with the click of her fingers, to Monica’s regret filled stare.

“Look, don’t make things so awkward I just want to explain-“

“That you’re a man stealing whore? I kind of gathered that. And if you didn’t want things to be awkward between us, why on earth did you go for my Charlie?”

“Your Charlie, you speak as if he is your property or something!”

“No, I speak about him as if he is the one good thing in my life, the one person that I have been able to rely on for six years…until you came along!”

“Oh that guy is a saint for being able to stick you for six years, I’ve been alone with you for six minutes and I’m already going insane!”

“How dare you! You have no idea what Charlie and I are like! You… you ruined everything!”

“Ruined what? The little fairytale romance you had going with Charlie? The one who saved you from your abusive mother and taught you how to love again,” Monica laughed mockingly, shaking her head.

“Don’t say that! You have no right! You couldn't even begin to understand what Charlie and -”

“Oh wake up and face reality little girl; you’re not the little princess who’s going to be rescued, you’re the pathetic little woman who can't - no, wont - grow up, who rides along with everyone else and expects everyone – but herself – to take care of her!”

Snap. Claudia flew towards the door, almost knocking Monica over in the process.

“There you go again Claudia, running away from your problems! You know you – hey get back in here! Don’t turn your back on me when I’m speaking to you!”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up! Who do you think you are missy, my mother?”

Claudia forced herself into the storm and began heading up the icy dirt track, clearly feeling that enduring these lethal winds would be bliss compared to being cooped up in a room with Monica any longer. Monica swiftly followed her up the hill, clutching her hat to her head.

“Claudia come back! Are you crazy you’ll die out here? Look I’m sorry I, I snapped that’s not like me I -”

Claudia spun round, fists clenched, her rage distracting her from the thinning ice in her path… “Oh but it is, Monica, but you just can’t accept that! You say I need to get back to reality, well take a look at yourself –“

“Claudia, watch the –“Monica began to warn her of the death trap she was about to step into but…

“Don’t you interrupt me! Lovely little Mon, motherly Monica, wouldn’t harm a fly – am I the only one that can see through this ridiculous façade!? Sure you say you care about everyone, but the moment someone doesn’t agree with you, or gets the tiniest little more attention than you, you get all hot-headed and bitchy, then claim that ‘it’s not like you’. And I know what you done to Alex…heck even your own brother tried to kill you! Really, you’re just a…a…a bitch!”

Whether in a moment of blind rage or in deliberate, bitter revenge, Monica screamed in anger and pushed Claudia back into the thinning ice at her feet and into her frosty grave…

A piercing scream rang through Chelsea’s ears and her head began to pound. A hazy image of Monica and Claudia formed in her mind as Alex turned around to see Chelsea bent over double, clutching her head in her hands.

“Cee-Cee! Chelsea, what’s wrong? Charlie!”

“Is she having a vision…? Cee-Cee what do you see?”

“Arguing…the girls… Monica is… she’s pushing her! The… the ice breaks…” Chelsea stuttered hysterically as if in pain, many of her words inaudible… ”Claudia is falling…she…she loves you Charlie! Charlie she loves you that’s all! She didn’t mean to do it Charlie! Claudia needs you! Char… its cold, so cold…Monica, Monica’s screaming. Holding on to her hand she…she has to let go! She has to…everything...is…is so dark…she’s…dead? Claudia? Claudia! Claudia!”


As the blood curdling screams echoed through the mountain, the snow continued to fall, as if innocen, upon the veil of white. The veil, however, was not beautiful enough to cover the tragedy the companions were facing, as their journey began to take a sinister turn for the worse…